.:VirtualSalt
A
Wedding Ceremony
Robert Harris
Version Date: October 30, 2011
Here is the text of a wedding that
occurred recently. If you are preparing to get married or to renew your
vows, you might find some ideas here that you would like to include in
your own wedding ceremony.
Before the Call to Worship, the
procession has occurred. For the details of the elements in the overall
wedding, see the program.
CALL TO WORSHIP
Pastor
Welcome, friends, and thank you for
coming to this wonderful event. As you know, we’re here today to
celebrate the marriage of Bob and Marie. Now, they could have just
gotten married at the court house the day they got their marriage
license. Marie even mentioned that possibility. Or they could have run
off to Las Vegas for a buffet packed honeymoon after a “just us”
wedding. Bob was tempted by that. But they didn’t do either of those
things, because they wanted all of you to join in their happiness and
to witness their commitment to each other and to God.
Who gives this woman to be married
to this man?
Bride's Mother
I, her mother, do.
Pastor
Please be seated.
Now Bob and Marie stand here
together before you and in the presence of God to begin a lifelong,
Christ-centered partnership, declaring their intent to be obedient to
the greatest commandment, as recorded in Luke chapter 10: “You shall
love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and
with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as
yourself.”
Let us therefore witness and
celebrate this holy union together with them.
HOMILY
Pastor
Bob and Marie, you are about to
commit yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives. I'm sure
you both want your marriage to be successful and rewarding. And even
though you are not a couple of twenty-somethings, you might still be
interested in a little advice about what makes a marriage successful.
It's not the kind of car you drive, nor the house you live in, not the
tools you own, Bob, and not even chocolate, Marie. Whether or not your
marriage brings richness to yourselves and to others, whether it grows
stronger or weaker, warm or cold, depends largely on how you treat each
other, on whether you continue to show each other love and respect .
That much is obvious, but what does it mean as a practical matter?
Just as God has given us the
Biblical Ten Commandments, I thought I’d give you ten commandments for
marriage. And just as God’s ten were given as rules for producing
happiness in life, so these ten should be thought of as rules to follow
in order to have a happy and successful marriage. These truths
represent the accumulated wisdom of many couples who learned them the
hard way, through many struggles and conflicts.
And since we are in an
entertainment age, I’ve arranged them in countdown order.
Number Ten.
Sooner or later, one of you is
going to leave the other’s favorite ice cream on the kitchen counter,
causing a melted mess. Or one of you will forget to put gas in the car
just before the other needs to drive far away for a meeting. Or one of
you is going to lose the camera’s little memory card, together with all
the photos you took on your last vacation. You will be upset.
The 10th Commandment of Marriage,
then, is, “Thou shalt chill out.”
Let it go. Don't cry over spilled
milk, especially when your spouse does the spilling. Don’t wait to find
out by experience that it’s not worth it to hurt your spouse over such
ultimately insignificant mistakes. And besides, they are called
accidents, not on-purpose-idents.
God’s word tells us about number
ten: “Love bears all things” and “endures all things.” —1
Corinthians 13:7
Number Nine.
Remember the melted ice cream from
number ten? Well, you shouldn’t.
The Ninth Commandment of Marriage
is, “Thou shalt forgive and forget.”
This is an important idea because
some people have a tendency to keep a grudge list of all the wrongs
their spouse has committed against them over the years so that whenever
they get into an argument over something really important like putting
a dent in the car or not refilling the salt shaker, they can call up
their well-memorized list and recite it in that special tone of voice
some of you may be familiar with.
The message such a recital sends,
of course, is that you were just kidding when you said you forgave your
spouse for all those misdeeds and that you never really have gotten
over those hurts. If that’s really the case, you should drop the
current issue and work on your basic relationship.
God’s word on this is that “Love is
patient and kind” and ”it is not arrogant or rude.” And “it is not
irritable or resentful.” —1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Marriage Commandment Number Eight
is “Thou shalt use the magic words,” but that’s so obvious, I think we
can skip it. After all, everyone knows that you can transform your
spouse into a better, happier person just by using the magic words. And
everyone knows them. So on to number seven.
Commandment of Marriage number
seven. Number seven is “Thou shalt expect—“ What? The magic words? What
about them? Oh, okay, just in case there’s someone here who has
forgotten one or two of them, here are the magic words:
I love you
Thank you
You are right
Forgive me
You’re smart
I’m sorry
Please I agree
completely
You’re beautiful
I was wrong
You have my support
I forgive you
I’m glad I married you
And a final comment on using these
magic words. More than half of the meaning of spoken words comes from
the tone of voice of the speaker. So remember to use the magic words
with magic in your voice.
The Biblical truth here is from
Proverbs: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.” And even more to the point, “A gentle tongue is a tree of
life.” —Proverbs 15:1, 4a
Okay, back to Number Seven.
For, the Seventh Commandment of
Marriage is. “Thou shalt expect change.”
Ever hear someone tell their
spouse, “You’re not the person I married”? Men especially, but
sometimes women too, need to understand that the togetherness of
marriage not only means sharing the wonderful experiences of life
together, but it also means physically falling apart together. Age and
gravity are not kind to anyone, and both partners should expect that
their good looking spouse is eventually going to wrinkle, plump up,
shed hair, and generally come to look like their grandparents.
Commandment Number Six is, “Thou
shalt not expect change.”
Seems like a contradiction with
number seven, doesn’t it? Ah, but it’s only a paradox, which can be
resolved thusly. Some people see their spouse as a remodeling project,
assuming that after marriage they can bring in the tools and change
whatever they don’t like about the person they just married. If you’re
not happy with the way your spouse or spouse-to-be is right now, then
you need to change yourself. That’s a whole lot easier than changing
the other person.
And where should you start in
changing yourself? Start by accepting your spouse and those things you
want him or her to change. That way, you can stop wanting to change
them. Remember, a nag is a useless horse. So the wisdom here is, To
change your spouse, change yourself first.
The Biblical truth here is, “Love
does not insist on its own way,” —1 Corinthians 13:5
The Fifth Commandment of Marriage
can be illustrated by a couple of observations. Recently at Home Depot,
a woman said rather heatedly, “Where were you? I’ve been looking all
over for you.” Yes sometimes the kids need to be scolded, when they
wander off. But in this case, the woman was talking to her husband. The
second scene took place in Albertson’s, where a married couple was
shopping. One spouse said, “Let’s get this raspberry jelly. It’s good.”
To which the other replied rather forcefully, “Well that would be for
you. I don’t like it and I won’t eat any of it. But if you insist, go
ahead and buy it.” Now excuse me if I don’t understand, but what’s the
upside in either of these cases? Is either spouse going to end up
happier as a result of this behavior? I mean, how reasonable or
beneficial is it to scold a man for wandering off in Home Depot? And
getting all snotty over a jar of jelly?
The fact is, you are going to be
just about as happy—or unhappy—as your spouse is.
So, the Fifth Commandment of
Marriage is, “Thou shalt make thyself happy by making thy spouse
happy.”
The Biblical admonition relevant
here is, “Let each one of you husbands love his wife as himself, and
let the wife see that she respects her husband.” —Ephesians 5:33
Well, we’re halfway through and we
still haven’t had a “thou shalt not,” and marriage, like the rest of
life, has a few don’ts that are needed for happiness together.
The Fourth Commandment of Marriage
is “Thou shalt not expect a perfect spouse.”
That’s the King James translation.
The Contemporary English Version of this commandment is, “Get real.” Of
course, every couple about to marry agrees that they don’t expect
perfection, but in actual fact many do expect their spouse to measure
up to—themselves. It is said that in life in general we judge
everything by our own experience, by the standard of Me. So in
marriage, many spouses view as defects all the differences from their
own preferences or habits. They think, “That’s not the way I would do
it, so it’s wrong. Furthermore, I expect it to be done the way I would
do it.”
You’re going to marry a real
person, which means an imperfect person, who is unlikely to remedy any
of those imperfections. Too often people fall in love, not with another
person, but with their own imagination projected onto some random
passer by. They begin to attribute to the one they are dating all kinds
of characteristics that the person really doesn’t have. They see their
short-tempered, cheapskate friend with no social skills as good
natured, generous, and gregarious because that’s what they want in a
person. So they marry their imagination instead of the person at the
altar with them.
Then, when they wake up with
reality snoring next to them, it’s not just disappointment that sets
in, but resentment. The difference between the personality they
imagined and the person burping loudly that they actually married
produces a sense of injustice, a feeling of righteous indignation, even
betrayal in the mind of the expecter, leading to conflict, nagging, and
general recrimination.
The truth is, your spouse is only a
human being, with unique qualities, tastes, habits, and preferences
that mostly differ from those of your imaginary hero. Your spouse is
not going to solve all your problems, fulfill you in every way, grant
your every wish, or behave only the way you want. In fact, he or she
might not even like the TV shows you like.
But your spouse not only has a
distinctive set of behaviors, attitudes and habits, as I mentioned in
the previous commandment, but he or she is the owner and exhibiter of
just a truckload of flaw—I mean unique characteristics. But study
the happy marriages and you’ll find not that there are no irritants.
The husband still blows his nose too loud, leaves his sweaty T-shirt on
the bathtub, and puts the dirty dishes in the sink instead of the
dishwasher. The wife is still always late getting ready for church,
forgets to lock the front door, and continues to lose the caps on all
the ball point pens in the house. But they are happy because they not
only tolerate but they accept each other’s distinctives. Some people
call it love.
As the saying goes, “Blessed are
the flexible, for they shall not be broken.”
In other words, happiness in
marriage comes—at least in part—from narrowing the distance between
what you expect and what you get. Keep open to good in disguise. And
besides, as the apostle Paul says, “And we know that for those who love
God all things work together for good”
—Romans 8:28
Getting closer now.
The third commandment of success
and happiness in marriage is quite important because it is the one
that’s broken most often, and failure to follow it causes millions of
couples to live miserably. Okay, so—
Number Three.
The third commandment for happiness
in marriage is “Thou shalt get over thyself.” Yes, the golden key to
happiness in marriage is the very same as the golden key to happiness
in life:
The realization that it’s not about
you.
In other words, happiness and joy
belong to those who put the focus of their lives on someone or
something other than themselves. Getting over yourself means calling on
a sense of humility, and humility is excellent in a marriage. And for a
truly happy marriage, it’s a necessity.
Too many people enter a romantic
relationship for what they think they can get out of it. And being self
focused, they enter the selfishness whirlpool: “I’ve been thinking of
myself and what’s in it for me, but I’m still not happy. So I need to
be even more self-centered.” For those who are thinking, “But life is
all about me,” I’m telling you, pride is a drunk driver who will never
get you to the corner of Harmony and Bliss.
Some philosopher or other once
commented on the benefits of taking yourself off your personal throne
by noting, “The more you get, the more you have. The more you give, the
more you are.”
And Scripture supports this: “When
pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.
“ —Proverbs 11:2
So if you really want to be happily
married, put your ego on a diet and lose the fat of selfishness.
The Second Commandment of Marriage
is, “Follow the Leader.”
This commandment for happiness
follows from the previous one. Once you can get over yourself, you will
realize that to have a successful marriage, you must follow the leader.
For husbands, this means submitting to the leadership of Christ as head
of the marriage. In practical terms, this means prayerfully following
Biblical principles in your relationship with your wife and in your
decision making.
For wives, following the leader
means submitting to your husband as head of the household. In practical
terms, this means helping him in decision making and being an agreeable
and supportive partner in the marriage.
The Apostle Paul sums up this
relationship in the Bible: “For the husband is the head of the wife
even as Christ is the head of the church….
And Paul continues, “Husbands, love
your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In
the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself.” --Ephesians 5:22-28
So, why is this a principle of
happiness in marriage?
The simple fact is that without it,
there is a very strong likelihood that husband and wife will engage in
a struggle for domination that can destroy their happiness. Sometimes
this struggle produces shouting, dish-breaking arguments, but more
often it’s evidenced by little cutting remarks, criticisms,
disagreements, sarcasm, and often disrespecting the spouse in front of
other people. And the saddest part of this story is that frequently no
one wins the struggle, so it continues for years.
And this brings us to the First
Commandment for Happiness in Marriage.
I’ve just recommended getting over
yourself and deferring to someone other than yourself for leadership.
So what could be the most important commandment for marital happiness?
That’s the one commandment that empowers the other nine, and it’s this:
“Thou shalt put God first.”
God has given us free will, which
allows us to make our own choices. And we make the choices we do
because we think that each choice will make us happier or at least less
unhappy. As one philosopher noted, the desire for happiness is “the
impulse behind all human actions,” even those who choose to take drugs,
get in fights, rob banks—or in the tamer arena of married life—argue,
disrespect their spouse, give the silent treatment, or even rebel and
have an affair. In both life and marriage, people often make poor
choices in behavior because they are thinking of themselves at the
moment.
But God has designed us and he
knows what will increase our happiness and what will decrease it. And
he has told us how to increase it—namely, by getting over ourselves and
by following the leader in Christ. Putting God first and living
according to his precepts in the Bible therefore means making better
choices—choices that really do lead to happiness. So, you see, these
ten commandments of marriage, like the original Ten, are designed to
bring joy into your marriage. And God knows how to help you put him
first. Perhaps you are tired of bickering or else you fear that if you
do marry, your life will be filled with squabbling and prideful silent
treatments. Put God in charge of your life and follow these ten
commandments for marriage and you’ll see what a difference that makes.
There you have them. Think these
over, and, if you really do want a great relationship, put them into
practice.
PRAYER
Pastor
Let us pray. Lord, we come to you
with joy for your presence here now and for the love and goodness you
show us each day. We are grateful for every blessing you so generously
pour out on us, and we thank you for your guidance and faithfulness.
And on this day at this time, we are especially grateful for the grace
you have shown to Bob and Marie by bringing them together. They have
said more than once that each one seems to have found the other half of
their soul. So we thank you all together for the love you have shown
them by your gift of each to the other. We pray that you will bless
them and direct their paths each day and that they will keep you at the
center of their marriage all the days of their lives. In Jesus' name,
Amen.
DECLARATION OF INTENT
Pastor
Bob, will you have Marie to be your
wife, your friend, your helper and companion as you serve and honor God
throughout your life?
Bob
I will.
Pastor:
Will you support and encourage her,
honor and respect her, behaving toward her with tenderness,
understanding, wisdom, and patience?
Bob
I will.
Pastor
Do you promise to care for her
needs, material, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual; to give her
daily affection; to talk with her and listen to her; and to work
through every difficulty so that your relationship will grow ever
stronger?
Bob
I do.
Pastor
Do you further promise to live your
lives together according to Biblical principles, following God’s
guidance for Christian marriage and keeping Christ at the center of
your life together?
Bob
I do.
Pastor
Marie, will you have Bob for your
husband, your friend, your partner and companion as you together seek
to serve and honor God throughout your life?
Marie
I will.
Pastor
Will you support and encourage him,
honor and respect him, behaving toward him with tenderness,
understanding, wisdom, and patience?
Marie
I will.
Pastor
Do you promise to care for his
needs, material, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual; to give him
daily affection; to talk with him and listen to him; and to work
through every difficulty so that your relationship will grow ever
stronger?
Marie
I do.
Pastor
Do you further promise to live your
lives together according to Biblical principles, following God’s
guidance for Christian marriage and keeping Christ at the center of
your life together?
Marie
I do.
SONG
“Complete” by Parachute Band
THE VOWS
Pastor
Having declared your intent, you
are ready, then, to exchange your sacred vows.
[Bob takes Marie's right hand with
his right hand.]
Bob
I, Bob, take you, Marie, to be my
wife, to keep and to care for, from this day forward, in wealth or in
poverty, in sickness and in health, to be your friend and supporter
until death shall part us; and this vow I make before God and these
witnesses.
[Bob releases Marie's hand. Marie
takes Bob's right hand with her right hand.]
Marie
I, Marie, take you, Bob, to be my
husband to keep and to care for, from this day forward, in wealth or in
poverty, in sickness and in health, to be your friend and supporter
until death shall part us; and this vow I make before God and these
witnesses.
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
[Bob and Marie each get the other’s
ring from Maid of Honor and Best Man and hold them out]
Pastor
These rings are a symbol of this
marriage. They are made of gold to show the high value of the marriage
bond, and they are made in a circle to show that the marriage has no
end. The circular shape is also a symbol of eternity, to show that the
Eternal One now binds you two together and that he will be always
present in your lives. Whenever you look at your rings, therefore,
remember this covenant you have made with each other and with God--that
you are not your own, and that you are committed to walk together
through the great adventure of life.
You may now exchange these rings
and their promises.
[Bob takes Marie's left hand in his
left hand, and the ring in his right hand. As he speaks, he puts the
ring on her finger.]
Bob
Marie, with this ring I now marry
you; with this ring I join my life to yours; and with this ring I
declare to the world that I am committed to you.
[Marie takes Bob's left hand in her
left hand, and the ring in her right hand. As she speaks, she puts the
ring on his finger.]
Marie
Bob, with this ring I now marry
you; with this ring I join my life to yours; and with this ring I
declare to the world that I am committed to you.
UNITY TORCH
[Pastor walks behind unity
torches.]
Pastor
[As Pastor speaks, Bob and
Marie
pick up their torches and together light the unity torch, then
extinguish their torches.]
The flames of these torches
represent the separate selves of Bob and Marie, the radiance of their
faith, the brightness of their hopes, and the warmth of their love.
Because they have discovered that their individual flames are of the
same essence, lit from the eternal source of light, they now join their
flames together as a sign that the fires of their lives will burn as
one, in the ordinary business of living and in the worship and service
of the Lord.
CORD OF THREE STRANDS
[Pastor hands the cords to
Bob.
Marie picks up the ends]
Pastor
Hear God’s word from the book of
Ecclesiastes:
Two are better than one because
together they have a good reward for their work. And if either one
falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how unhappy is he who
is alone when he falls. There is no one to lift him up. And again, if
two are sleeping together, they can keep warm, but how can one person
keep warm alone? And though someone might overpower the one who is
alone, two can resist him—and a cord of three strands is not quickly
broken.
Witness now the braiding of the
cord of three strands.
[Marie begins weaving]
The white strand represents Marie
and her life. White symbolizes purity of heart, humility of attitude,
and reverence toward God.
The purple strand represents Bob
and his life. Purple symbolizes spiritual leadership, practical wisdom,
and noble behavior.
And the gold strand represents God
in Christ, the lavishness of his grace, the warmth of his love, and the
majesty of his being.
By braiding these strands together,
Bob and Marie are demonstrating that their marriage will be more than
the joining of their two lives. They are weaving the strength and love
of God into their marriage as well. God will be a permanent and
inseparable part of their relationship, bound together with them in a
joint endeavor. This cord of three strands reflects the strength of
their bond.
[Marie rubber bands the cord. Then
they hold it together, fingers through the ring.]
PRONOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGE
Pastor
Bob and Marie, because you have now
committed yourselves to each other by these vows, by the joining of
your hands, by the giving and receiving of rings, by the mingling of
fire, and by the weaving of the cord of three strands—by the spiritual
authority vested in me by the Lord as a minister of the Gospel, and by
the secular authority vested in me by the State of California, I now
pronounce you man and wife.
[Bob takes cord in his left hand.
Pastor joins Bob's and Marie's right hands]
What God has joined together let no
man separate.
THE LORD’S PRAYER
Pastor
Let us all rise and pray together
the Lord's Prayer, as it is printed in the ceremony program.
Our father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as
it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our
debts as we forgive our debtors; and lead us not into temptation, but
deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the
glory forever, Amen.
PRAYER
Pastor
Let us pray.
Lord bless this marriage and these
lives; make Bob and Marie a model couple for others to admire and
imitate; give them courage in times of distress and humility in times
of triumph; and prosper their work as they seek to serve you in all
they do. Amen.
KISS
Pastor
Bob, you may now kiss your wife.
PRESENTATION AND BENEDICTION
[Bob and Marie turn to face the
congregation.]
Pastor
I am now pleased to introduce to
you Dr. and Mrs. Bob Harris
[Pastor raises his hands.]
Now may the Lord bless you and keep
you,
May the Lord make his face to shine
upon you,
And be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his
countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
Now to him who is able to do far
more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power
at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus
throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen
RECESSIONAL
Music: “Joyful, Joyful We Adore
Thee”
[Bride and Groom exit]
[Instructions to guests]
Pastor
Thank you for joining us today. The
reception will begin in about thirty minutes. Meanwhile, in your
program is a card on which you can write some marriage advice for Bob
and Marie. Please share your wisdom with them, and the put your cards
in the Marriage Advice box. Thank you for joining us today.
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About the author:
Robert
Harris is a writer
and educator with more than 25 years of teaching experience at the
college
and university level. RHarris at virtualsalt.com